Did It Hurt?

Man Claims to Speak 'Australian' After Allegedly Being Raped by a Wombat.

Arthur Ross Cradock, 48, from the South Island town of Motueka, called police on February 11 and told them he was being raped at his home by the wombat and he needed help,

A wombat?

"Apart from speaking Australian now, I'm pretty all right, you know."

Yeah, well, we'll get back to you on that.

And in answer to my opening question:

"I didn’t hurt my bum at all."