Sunday, April 04, 2004

Just For Laughs

I'm sure you've heard them before, but ...

1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00
apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try
spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant
like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known
as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known
as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee

4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does
that mean that one enjoys it?

5. There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the
leader of the Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the
liquor store or at Hooters.

6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why
aren't people from Holland called Holes?

7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy

8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't
they just stale bread to begin with?

10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a
pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not
called a racist?

11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen
defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can
be delighted, musicians denoted,cowboys deranged,
models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry
cleaners depressed?

13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call
it Fed UP?

14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

15. What hair color do they put on the driver's
licenses of bald men?

16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the
Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it
dawned on me ....they're cramming for their final

17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies
with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered
what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?

18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the
post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to
them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the
postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them
while they deliver the mail?

19. If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?

20. You never really learn to swear until you learn
to drive.

21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be
if it didn't zigzag?

22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her

23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

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